White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
