it hurts more in the daytime
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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