We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
