the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
