Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
