Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
