From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
