btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
