Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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