Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
