Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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