Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
