this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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