i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
