can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The Olympian is in my bed
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