Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
