I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
