Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
