my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize