how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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