I don't think brook has ever known best
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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