I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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