Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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