i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
