Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
