Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
