we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
