around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
