this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
