I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We talked him into tasing himself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
