end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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