Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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