this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
