I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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