wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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