if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
