dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize