You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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