Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
