is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
