you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
