reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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