Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
