I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
