are you so shy because you have an std?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
