tell your sister to shave her snatch
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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