im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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