I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
