i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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