When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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