i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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