Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize