Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
