I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
