So drunk its hurt
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize