i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
