your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
