Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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