Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
