I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
