Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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