I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
