you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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