its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
