What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
