I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
