I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
