I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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