batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Damn victory sex feels great
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
