fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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