This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
