I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
