i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
