Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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