saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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