ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
