all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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