Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
