hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize