I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I came so hard my ears popped.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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