She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
