32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
