On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
