Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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