Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
