paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
