The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
