fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize