I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
