Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
