I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
