So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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