im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
