Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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