These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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