I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
