Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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