FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
