kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sext me about skeletons
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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