Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
