nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
